If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
