I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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