there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
