is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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