you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
