My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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