Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
