ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
