Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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