Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I party with great urgency now.
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