Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
