we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
