I got chris browned last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
