If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
