I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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