This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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