She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
