I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
