she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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