The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
