Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
