just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
