i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
