I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
