I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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