u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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