just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
