i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
