Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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