Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
