maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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