I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
pray to the hookup gods
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
