His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
