how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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