They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
