mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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