It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
