last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
