Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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