Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
