I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
