my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
