Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
