I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
