I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize