drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
