I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
