A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
