Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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