YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
