i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
