ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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