need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
