"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
