If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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