Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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