So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
