Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize