the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
