five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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