my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
