Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
