you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You need a sexual gate keeper
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
