I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
