So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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