his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
