I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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