He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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