It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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