Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
