sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
