wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We just shotgunned beers for America
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
