can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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