My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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