When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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