I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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