Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
