I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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