I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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