You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
