I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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