Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
