I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
