He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
