They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
