I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
