I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
