No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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