The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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