You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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