when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
