broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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